Happy Mothers' Day!

Two very clear Mothers' Day memories kept coming up for me this week: 1998 and 1999. Maybe it is because the 2009 calendar is mimicking the May dates from 1998... Read on and see what you think.

On the Saturday before Mothers' Day in 1998 (which was May 9, the same date as yesterday), Andrew and I had a party at our house. We hadn't had any particular event or theme in mind. We weren't even necessarily thinking of Mothers' Day, because we didn't have kids yet. Those were the long-ago days when we did spontaneous things like invite 15-20 people (and their various spouses and significant others) to come and hang out for an afternoon, with vague promises of food to be served at some point, accompanied by plenty of beer, music, and good company. If anything, we may have used Andrew's May 5 birthday as a reason, and his mom, Mary (whose birthday is May 6), came down for the party as well. She was a frequent guest in those days, and we always welcomed her company.

Andrew and I had a secret back then, which we hadn't shared much outside the family. As I looked around at our group of friends and family I decided to spill the beans. I stood in the doorway of our big glass slider, so I could be heard by those inside and out in the yard, and I thanked everyone for coming. I mentioned the birthdays. I can't remember exactly how I said everything, but I noted Mary's presence as a reminder that this could also be a celebration of Mothers' Day and then I announced that I was pregnant, and this would be my first Mother's Day. We were hugged, kissed and congratulated, and one of our wittier friends noted that I was also barefoot and had spent a good part of the day in the kitchen!

The next year, 1999, we spent Mothers' Day weekend in Connecticut. Lydia turned 5 months old on May 9, which was Mothers' Day that year. On that day she and Andrew and I were at my Uncle John's house in Short Beach, CT, with my mom and my grandmother. We had a four generation Mothers' Day, and that is one of my most precious memories. So much had changed in one short year! And ten years have passed since then. Sometimes it seems like the blink of an eye, but at the same time it is almost impossible to recall what my days were like before I became a mother. Or to imagine how different my life (our lives) would be if we had not had children. For me, motherhood has been very defining.

Another prominent Mothers' Day in my life was May 13, 2001. My sister, Alice, spent the entire day in labor, trying for a home birth. I'd gotten the call at about midnight on Saturday, May 12, notifying me she'd been having pretty regular contractions for about an hour. Our mom was at my house, so we got in the car and drove up to Berkeley. Soon after we arrived we called the midwives, and the day progressed from there. With us by her side Alice labored for nearly 24 more hours, supported by a rotating cast of friends and loved ones who stopped in as time allowed. We walked with her through the neighborhood and rubbed her back and got in and out of the birthing tub... But by midnight Sunday Alice was exhausted, and she decided a home birth was not going to work. So I bundled her into my car and drove to the hospital around the corner, where she was able to get a little pain relief and sleep a little, and she finally delivered her daughter on May 14 ~ our grandmother's 86th birthday. None of us had gotten much sleep in the 30+ hours leading up to Ava's birth, but we were ecstatic and elated when she arrived. Hers is the only birth I've observed as a spectator, and it was an absolutely amazing and appropriate way to spend Mothers' Day (and the day after...).

So I send a Mothers' Day shout-out to all of you in my life who have been with me for the different parts of this journey that has led me to where I sit today. Thank you to my mother, and her mother, and so forth. Thank you to my sister and my brother. Thank you to my father, and to his mother. Thank you to all my friends and to all your mothers. Thank you to my husband and to his mother, and thank you to all the fathers too. Thank you to the aunts, biological and honorary, and the teachers and the mentors.

Now I must go fold laundry, and as I do I will reflect on what it means to me to wear this title, "Mother."

XOXOX