Do undocumented milestones mean I'm a bad mom?

Just putting the words together makes the question look ridiculous. Yet it has been lurking in the back of my mind since the first day of school ~ to which I did actually remember to bring my camera, and yet I only managed to take two pictures of Evan at his new, first-grade desk and a few more at recess (I was still at school at 10:00, after finishing up First-Day Orientation and then cleaning up and putting things away). I don't have a single photo of Lydia, or of the two of them together. Still, I'm trying to tell myself it is better than last year, when I forgot completely to even bring my camera to the FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN. I know. Who forgets the camera on the first day of Kindergarten? Me. I do. I felt so bad last year... and I took pictures on the second day! But it's not the same.

Back to the present. A week into the school year I am still experiencing two reactions: my common-sensical side says, enthusiastically, “You were there! You saw your kids head off to their new classrooms on a gorgeous September morning. They had yummy, nutritious lunches and looked super-cool in their new school clothes. You hugged and kissed them both, told them you loved them, and wished each of them a great first day. And you were there to collect them at the end of that first day (just 5 hours later ~ minimum day), with more hugs and kisses and open ears for all the stories of the start of a new school year. That is what was important, not the fact that there isn't a photographic record.” But just as I start to relax, my “I'm never doing enough” voice whispers, wickedly, “How could you not have taken two seconds to get a photo of your two children with their smiling, clean, sunscreened faces as you left the house, right on schedule, with a little time to spare, even? How hard would it have been to stop for a minute in front of the school marquee, or the Warwick Wizard Spirit banner, for one quick shot? That was a big day, and you had your camera right in your bag! What an ass you are!”

Bottom line, I cannot turn back the clock and re-do last Wednesday. That ship has sailed. And I do know, even as I beat myself up for missed moments like these, that it doesn't make me a bad mom to have not taken more photos. I realize that the root of this angst is that I am disappointed that I haven't established some sort of “first day of school” tradition. After all, this is Lydia's sixth grade year! I've had plenty of first days by now. I certainly started off well when she entered Kindergarten ~ that momentous day is well documented, even the trip we took to Cold Stone Creamery for ice cream after school. And this is the one year that both kids will attend the same school and follow the same schedule. So I'm making a two-part promise to myself: one is to keep my camera with me and remember to take it out of my bag, and the second is to try to get over it (and myself) when I forget. Which I know I will. Acceptance of my own mistakes has always been a challenge. I'm sure there's a big old significant message in that statement...

Well, I must be off to collect the kids. At the same time, from the same place. I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.


Happy start of the school year to all you students and parents and teachers out there!

~Tara